Mark 4:35-41

I took a little detour from studying the Gospel of John and hopped over to Mark for a few days. There is no reason for this, just did it on a whim. I have been stuck in Mark 4:35-41. Jesus is in a boat with the disciples, he is sleeping. A big ole Texas-like windstorm kicks up and the disciples wake Jesus and ask him "don't you care that we are perishing?" Jesus speaks "Peace, be still" the storm obeys him and then Jesus turns to his friends and says "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?"

There is so much here to meditate on. First, the assumption from the disciples that because they are in a storm, Jesus must not care. Isn't that an assumption I often make? In the midst of difficulty or discomfort I can be so quick to assume He is not caring. Yet, I know He can never be anything but caring for me. The Psalms are filled with promises of His care for us. We are told His eye is always on us, he cannot forsake us, he is mindful of every thing that pertains to us. If I rehearse the scriptures I will not go to the place of thinking He does not care. (On a side not, they thought they were perishing, I must remember, my days are already numbered and no one and no thing can cause me to perish unless it is the appointed moment that He already has determined.)

Then, Jesus speaks. He just speaks and the wind ceases and there is great calm. Great calm. Great calm. All He did was speak!!! No more waves, no more wind. I must be reminded of the power of His words. With a word He spoke creation into being. With a word He stops the raging storms. His words are amazingly powerful and it would do me good to pay attention to the red lettered words and recall them often.

Then, Jesus asks "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" Now if I were asking someone that question I think I would be asking with exasperation and condemnation, but I bet Jesus asked it full of compassion and mercy. I bet he asked it like a mom would ask a fevered child if they were feeling any better. Concerned for their soul's well being, maybe a bit disappointed at the lack of growth in His friends, but filled with tenderhearted compassion. Ugh, I have much to learn here.

Lastly, verse 41 says "and they were filled with great fear and said to one another 'Who then is this, that even the wind and sea obey him?" CRAZY...they go from fear of the storm and begging Jesus to save them to fear of Jesus because He calmed the storm and saved them!!! They went from one fear to another. Oh, don't I do that? Once the thing I fear is resolved I can so quickly decide something else is to be concerned about. Why is it so hard to just rest and trust and know He is in control of everything, every storm, every gale, every wind, every joy, every blessing?

I am convinced the only way out of these patterns is to know the word of God. To meditate on the truths of scripture. To bask in the wonderful power the word has. To repeat it over and over and speak it to myself and to others. To have it hid in my heart that I might not sin against Him.

We got word today that one of our options is not an option anymore. There was a 13 year old girl we were considering adopting, the workers involved in her case had narrowed it down to 2 families, us and someone else. In the end, the other family was picked. We actually feel really good about their decision, we had some hesitations, but it was still a bit hard. I want the process to be over. We have some other things brewing, but no idea if anything will pan out. So, we wait. We continue to pray for God's will and we continue to feel love and longing in our hearts for someone we haven't even met. It is crazy.

Part of me wants to remind God that this whole shenanigans was His idea and we are just trying to obey so if He could get with the program and get us a kid we would appreciate it! Then I remember that God is about the whole thing, the whole process, not just the end result. He is about fashioning all of us and teaching all of us and stretching all of us so that His glory may be revealed. Oh yeah, I remember now, it is all about Him, not me!

So tonight, I cry a bit and remind my soul that He is working and He will do it. I go back and pray over every kid we are submitted on, I relinquish my hold on my agenda, my way, my idea and my timing. And of course, I grab my my Gratitude Journal and add some more entries...

...the process

...refiner's fire

...Hand picked delays

...hope for a "yes" soon

...a few more mornings that I don't have to take someone to school

...assurance of His good will

...rest in my heart

Adoption Stuff

Well, the journey has been longer than we expected, but in all reality, it is still not a long wait. We have been praying and waiting and wondering. We have tried to live life as if everything is normal, but we can't help but add "once we get our child..." to many sentences....like "we should go on a get-a-way weekend because once we get our child we may not be able to go for a while." So, we are waiting and trying to act like nothing is going to change.

It has been a bit hard because we thought we would have had a child placed with us by now, but it is a great reminder to us that these kids have been waiting a really, really long time. Anyway, there are a couple of things brewing. It is too much info to get into and it all may fall through, but will you pray for us? Monday may be a big day for us. Please pray that our hearts would respond in faith toward God no matter what news we hear and please pray we would know God's will and obey. We are desperate know God's will and to follow it. I know He is eager to lead us.

I will fill in all the details once something is clear, it just isn't helpful to ride the emotional rollercoaster and then have to get back to everyone with details that didn't pan out.

Thanks for encouraging us so often and asking for the latest update. We feel your love and support as we continue along.