I woke this morning at 4 am to a horrible headache. They come in the night and make me want to puke. I was laying there thinking how it hurt too much to get up and get some medicine and then I said out loud "Please God, take it away. I can't take it. This week has been hard enough!" I got up, took a pill, drank coffee, had Fred rub my head and by 7:30 it was gone. But, the discouragement wasn't. This past week my stomach hasn't been doing well again, hard to keep any food in me and my dizziness has been worse. I have battled feeling overwhelmed as the Dr. says "I am not sure how to help you."
I began my morning with checking out some blogs. Then I come to one I check each week. A young family with a 6 year old who has brain cancer. I am leveled. My issues become light and momentary. My "suffering" becomes just an inconvenience. In light of what others are facing today, I have a great lot in life. In light of what has been already done for me, what more do I need?? I begin to thank God for so much. I start with my kids. They all love God. That alone is mind boggling. Then, I recall my life just 2 years ago, almost every night sitting by Meg's bed as her body seized and we prayed. She has now had only 3 or 4 seizures this year! A miracle and an act of grace. I recall the news of infertility and then I watch a video of Violet and Augie laughing...tears pour down my face...miracles. I look at Annie with cupcake all over her face and can't help but laugh at her exuberance for life and I hear her voice in my head yelling "ullo....Mimi I here!" I watched videos of Jack that Mindy sent this week, I watch them for the 100th time and cry as he coos and smiles at his Mama. Leveled that I would complain of a headache when I have been given so much.
It is so easy to see what I don't have. So easy to want something else. So easy to think God has overlooked a "need." For me, the medicine I need is to recall. To look back and recall all that He HAS done. To speak thanks for everything I have and everything I have experienced. To speak aloud the mercies of God. I am making a list today of where I see His kindness and keeping it close at hand. I choose, by the power of the Holy Spirit to be content and grateful, whatever my lot, that my soul will be joyful and content.
"Contentment comes by comparing what we have to what our sins deserve." Dave Harvey
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I Am Not Crazy!!!
I went to the Pharmacy yesterday to get a prescription filled for medication for my vertigo. The pharmacy tech took it and went to do something behind the counter. She whispered to the pharmacist a few words and then came back to me and said "I am so sorry, I don't want to upset you but we cannot filled this until tomorrow. We do not have the generic on hand." I replied "That's fine. I can wait." I walked away wondering why she was so apologetic and why she thought I would be upset. Then I realized....the script was for 90 tablets of Valium!!!! I think she thought I was seriously mentally unstable!!! hahhahha
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Next Step??
I don't know when it all started. The first time I felt a burden for orphans was when we lived in Cleveland. I remember sitting on the floor of the living room talking to Fred and then deciding we would contact Bethany Christian Services in the near future to learn about Korean adoptions. About a week later I found out that I was pregnant with our third child, the other kids had just turned 1 and 2, so we decided we had enough on our plate for now. The next time it came up we began to investigate adopting a boy from Romania, we were in Virginia at this point. I don't remember what stopped us, but something did. Then in Denver the idea of a Russian adoption crossed our path, but we were getting ready to move to Dallas, so we needed to wait and then the opportunity was no longer there. It has been a desire of ours to adopt and yet we never did it. I trust in God's sovereignty, but that may be one of those things I regret when I am old.
So, fast forward to this year. Some friends begin to tell us that they have a burden for orphan care and they are trying to figure out what to do, they didn't necessarily feel called to adopted, but were sensing a call to widows and orphans. I remember listening to Cate share the burden God had put on her heart and thinking "That is so cool how God is moving...too bad we are to old to be a part of this stuff." Then, suddenly, my husband tells me that him and some guys are meeting with a guy who runs Every Orphans Hope, a local ministry that cares for orphans in Africa. The next thing you know, we are praying about going to Zambia this summer. We quickly concluded that my health was not in a place for me to be able to do that trip and Fred felt strongly that we either went together or we stayed home. We stayed home, but the passion grew. And then we discovered there were others in our church feeling a similar stirring.
The more I prayed the more it grew, the more I read the more it grew and even as I would play with my grandkids my heart was breaking for those who didn't have a family.
My sister, Barb, came to visit in March and she has adopted 2 children. She has a burden for orphan care alongside her passion for adoption. We had conversations about how the local church could care for orphans and offer practical help and share the Gospel. I was so aware that many are trying to care for orphans but if all we do is care for them in the physical way and we don't present the Gospel, then we have failed. The Gospel is the ONLY hope for any of us!
Then Hosanna went to an Christian Alliance for Orphans conference in Minneapolis and came home with a boatload of information for us. We took some of the CD's from the conference with us when we drove to see Jack Jack. Oh, our hearts were stirred even more. Our passion for the local church and our growing passion for orphans were coming together and I felt like I was going to burst at times. It was so so exciting to see God working in both of us at the same time.
There is so much more to this odyssey than what I have written, but it is too hard to explain it all. What I hope I conveyed is the overall gist of what is happening. In October we will go to Together for Adoption with the hopes of learning how to build an orphan care ministry in local churches with the hope that God would make a way for our very own church to be able to do something at some point and with the hopes of learning how Fred and I can make a difference for a few kids. Who knows what will be? Maybe it will just be that we just pray daily for those children, but maybe, just maybe there is something more for us to do.
Please pray for us as we learn about all of this. I can feel so excited and a bit overwhelmed. It is thrilling to feel the activity of God occurring and to feel the sense of anticipation that he is leading and we are not sure where we are heading. Isn't serving God great??!!!!!!
So, fast forward to this year. Some friends begin to tell us that they have a burden for orphan care and they are trying to figure out what to do, they didn't necessarily feel called to adopted, but were sensing a call to widows and orphans. I remember listening to Cate share the burden God had put on her heart and thinking "That is so cool how God is moving...too bad we are to old to be a part of this stuff." Then, suddenly, my husband tells me that him and some guys are meeting with a guy who runs Every Orphans Hope, a local ministry that cares for orphans in Africa. The next thing you know, we are praying about going to Zambia this summer. We quickly concluded that my health was not in a place for me to be able to do that trip and Fred felt strongly that we either went together or we stayed home. We stayed home, but the passion grew. And then we discovered there were others in our church feeling a similar stirring.
The more I prayed the more it grew, the more I read the more it grew and even as I would play with my grandkids my heart was breaking for those who didn't have a family.
My sister, Barb, came to visit in March and she has adopted 2 children. She has a burden for orphan care alongside her passion for adoption. We had conversations about how the local church could care for orphans and offer practical help and share the Gospel. I was so aware that many are trying to care for orphans but if all we do is care for them in the physical way and we don't present the Gospel, then we have failed. The Gospel is the ONLY hope for any of us!
Then Hosanna went to an Christian Alliance for Orphans conference in Minneapolis and came home with a boatload of information for us. We took some of the CD's from the conference with us when we drove to see Jack Jack. Oh, our hearts were stirred even more. Our passion for the local church and our growing passion for orphans were coming together and I felt like I was going to burst at times. It was so so exciting to see God working in both of us at the same time.
There is so much more to this odyssey than what I have written, but it is too hard to explain it all. What I hope I conveyed is the overall gist of what is happening. In October we will go to Together for Adoption with the hopes of learning how to build an orphan care ministry in local churches with the hope that God would make a way for our very own church to be able to do something at some point and with the hopes of learning how Fred and I can make a difference for a few kids. Who knows what will be? Maybe it will just be that we just pray daily for those children, but maybe, just maybe there is something more for us to do.
Please pray for us as we learn about all of this. I can feel so excited and a bit overwhelmed. It is thrilling to feel the activity of God occurring and to feel the sense of anticipation that he is leading and we are not sure where we are heading. Isn't serving God great??!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
