Trying to Give Thanks

This year I began a Gratitude Journal. I was prompted by Ann Voskamp's blog and book One Thousand Gifts. Each day I would write things I was thankful for...coffee, family, a tender word, a child's giggle etc. I have been pretty regular in keeping up. I was learning to look for thinks to be thankful for in each day, gifts from God himself. I saw a change in my heart and my words, I felt like I was growing in gratitude. Unfortunately, I have slowed down.

In July I got stuck. It was not that I didn't see anything I was thankful for. It was just that some things happened that I didn't want to happen, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, and somethings didn't happen that I wanted, our adoption of two kids. And there is where I am stuck. I can't seem to get back in the groove of seeing each day as an opportunity to see God in things. I can't seem to get beyond things that did not go my way. So, my journal has just sat.

This morning as I was praying I was talking to the Lord about my inability to be grateful for what is, I want something else. "Help me to trust that THIS is GOOD, help me to rest in your sovereign will." If thanksgiving is the evidence of accepting whatever He gives and I am not giving thanks, then I am refusing to believe that what He gives is good and I am saying I know better than God. His Word says that He works all things for my good and that He will not withhold anything that is good for me. I go back and read this quote from One Thousand Gifts...

"You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies-though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God and yet God's beloved children curse it because they do not know what it is!"

Hmm, yes, I am a blasphemer when I refuse to give thanks for all that He has done and when I decide that His will is not good and perfect for me. I see my error, I repent, I ask my precious Jesus to forgive me for my pride and foolishness, He has shown me His goodness, how is it I can forget so quickly? and I begin listing again in my gratitude journal...

...cancer killing drugs

...strength in trials

...Your heart for the fatherless

...Your forgiveness of your children's errors

...a new morning

....vacations

...time with Mom and Dad

...time with my sister

...laughter with my niece and nephews

...my steadfast husband

...safe arrival home